Not exactly your main point, but where’d you go to learn calculus? I did the usual classes in high school but none since, and I’d love to develop a better appreciation for it.
I find 3blue1brown to be a great resource to build up good intuition about math topics, his videos about calculus and linear algebra are wonderful in particular. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLZHQObOWTQDMsr9K-rj53... is his essence of calculus series, I found the visualizations made it a lot easier to grok.
I got mine doing a computer engineering degree.
My suggestion is using Khan Academy if you want to better your math knowledge. It's really quiet good for that sort of thing. It was just starting to take off when I finished my degree. I wish it was available before then.
Calculus for Dummies is surprisingly not bad.
No offence to everyone else in this thread but the holy grail is truly The Art Of Problem Solving textbooks + mathacademy [0].
Check out Mosaic Calculus and see what you think: https://www.mosaic-web.org/MOSAIC-Calculus/. It's a free resource and it takes an interesting perspective on calculus pedagogy.