I repeat. Strictly speaking you haven't actually taken a position, or made a point, to argue against. I quoted back to you, your positions, just summarized. As I said, they are thousands of years old, and re-hashing them isn't going to convince anyone, otherwise why would people still be arguing about them.

The mishmash of science and Christian ideas isn't very coherent, and does not come off very well. You really do sound crazy. But, you do sound sincere.

So.

Let's give the benefit of the doubt to a crazy sounding person on the internet.

Let's assume you have had some mystical experiences. You've read some science, you've had some mystical experiences. Now, you are trying to grasp it, or deal with this experience. The struggle is real. To figure out what is going on in the universe and where you fit in, with this experience you've had. I'm assuming you are in the US, so grew up inundated with pop-Christian Dogma and propaganda that has very little relations back to the bible. You took that mishmash of US-Christian non-bible ideas, mixed it with some science, and now sound crazy.

All I can say is, Christianity will lead you down the wrong paths. It is a waste of time at best, damaging at worst. If you do need a Spiritual guide, or help, look to the East. Maybe Buddhism (not pure land), or Advaita Vedanta (hindu influenced by buddhism). Or even some William James (The Varieties of Religious Experience).

Technically, they are also wrong, because no religion/philosophy can explain reality to our little monkey brain, but will at least get you in the right direction. I repeat, they are also wrong, everyone is wrong. But, they at least have some non-damaging ideas. Try some meditation, focus on your breathing, go for a run, eat more vegetables.

Form Is Emptiness, Emptiness Is Form

https://studybuddhism.com/en/advanced-studies/lam-rim/vipash...