> At some point there needs to be a recognition of "you can't have it both ways", no?

Yes, at some point that true.

My point is that there is space for transit systems and mixed use zoning to make life easier in suburbs if they incrementally densify, but not to the point of being cramped.

To put a number on it, a population density somewhere around 5000/sqmi (vs the average suburban density right now of 2000/sqmi).