> might i suggest purchasing a bidet. you can get one for less than $50 on amazon and it will help you dramatically cut down on toilet paper

You may suggest whatever you want :) We do have an installed bidet in our main bathroom, as most houses where I live has those. Tried it, didn't like it, will proceed with using paper as currently it doesn't have many drawbacks and doesn't leave me feeling "more dirty" afterwards than using water would.