During the pandemic, I experimented with vaping marijuana to see if I could improve my sleep quality. It worked to a degree, but after a few weeks of nightly use, I began to experience what I think is depersonalization.

I would be walking with friends and talking about our day, while simultaneously thinking, "this isn't actually me doing this, this is just a surface-level interaction being carried out almost by automation." Between that and the realization that I "hallucinate", i.e. misremember things, overestimate my understanding of things, and ruminate on past interactions or hypothetical ones, my feelings have changed regarding what intelligence and consciousness really mean.

I don't think people acknowledge how much of a "shell" we build up around ourselves, and how much time we spend in sort of a conditioned, low-consciousness state.