Okay, tell me how I buy something over the internet without tying the purchase to my government ID.

Your argument seems like "only criminals want privacy" which is a no.

>Outside of buying sex and drugs the only uses for cryptocoins are, and always has been, ransoms, scams and gambling

That is a very shallow take. There are real non-criminal uses for crypto that people in stable, wealthy countries often overlook. Millions rely on it simply to move money between family members across borders when traditional banking is slow, blocked, or outright inaccessible due to politics. In several countries, people use crypto to buy food, medicine, or basic goods because their local currency is collapsing or their banking system is dysfunctional, or their entire nation has been cut off from the global financial system as a decision of few politics persons.

Its fine to criticise the scams and speculation — there is plenty of that — but pretending thats the only use case ignores the people who depend on it for everyday survival.