Another point that needs clarification is testing. Theres a lot of different test systems but they are all amateurish. Does anyone know something that works well? Stuff like rov, parachute, clunit is all really basic. Not even support for good html reports and tagging tests for example.
I considered that (author here), but how I test is way too odd to share lol.
I think that that's one of the strengths and one of the weaknesses of CL and its ecosystem. Rolling your own variation is just too easy and it almost seems to be encouraged. Which artificially steepens the learning curve. Anyway, I decided to focus on just "packaging", but I agree that testing needs attention, just like all the other topics people here touched on: secure distribution, versioning and pinning, and all these other modern comforts we're used to when doing our daytime non-Common-Lisp jobs :)
https://sabracrolleton.github.io/testing-framework There's this pretty in-depth comparison of testing frameworks, but I'm not sure if any of the frameworks there satisfy your specifications.