> but your only tool is Excel instead of some programming language
There is little difference between (if (> a b) c d) and =IF((A1 > B1), C1, D1)
Excel is the most widely installed functional programming language IDE.
It even has LAMBDA now: https://support.microsoft.com/en-us/office/lambda-function-b...
Change the language of your Windows system to anything but English and then open your Excel file with formulas again.