Not being battered by upsells nobody asked for every time you turn the laptop on is so refreshing.

Exactly.

Upgrade, to Linux.

I sure like seeing

    Expanded Security Maintenance for Applications is not enabled.
    
    0 updates can be applied immediately.
    
    108 additional security updates can be applied with ESM Apps.
    Learn more about enabling ESM Apps service at https://ubuntu.com/esm

> You do not have a valid subscription for this server. Please visit www.proxmox.com to get a list of available options.

every time I log in.