One of the things that I feel blessed of in my marriage is that my wife has the same way of loading the dishwasher like me. Anyway, fellow husbands think about the dozens of other conflicts that you are might avoiding.

you just need to go "if you want it loaded your way, you do it" and all is solved

And if loading dishwasher is on top of your marital issues you're probably in very happy marriage.

The constant small degree of conflict and strife is key to happiness, people can't be permanently happy, they just find ways to sabotage when they do