alt Hacker NewsI see others expressing this point, but I'll add my two cents: this essay really bothered me.
1. The writer describes hitchhiking to work every day, presumably for months or years. He doesn't describe in any way how he paid back that kindness, either to the people he rode with directly, or just by paying it forward.
2. The writer describes traveling in Asia for 8 years, and many of the instances of kindness he describe imply very strongly that he intentionally put himself at risk, where others were faced with the choice to help him or let him suffer consequences. It's one thing to get caught in a rip current and need assistance; it's another entirely to swim out past where you are safe, and then wait for someone to rescue you -- and to do that repeatedly for eight years. Further, it is obvious from the language used that he was traveling rough by choice, with the privilege and economic security of his background, and yet repeatedly accepting -- I would argue demanding -- the help of people from a poorer background than himself. He was cosplaying poverty and repeatedly being assisted by people living it for real.
3. The backyard idea seems similarly pushy. He says he was never turned away, not once. So he believes that no one, given an actual free choice, would rather not have a stranger camp in their backyard. He ignores the possibility that people would feel uncomfortable about rejecting someone presenting as having no place to stay, and rather believes that everyone he asked woke up that day thinking about how happy they'd be to do a favor for a stranger. And he couches the whole process as him doing them a favor.
4. He lists multiple instances where people less well-off than him went to great lengths to help him, without ever thinking about why they might feel obligated, and through it all admitting that not only doesn't he engage in such kindness himself, he can't imagine that he would.
5. And through it all he characterizes what he very nearly describes as him pushing himself on people as "willingness to be helped" -- as some sort of saintliness.
And of course each of these people only saw him once, for a short while. Reading this essay we see how it is a pattern: how he is essentially a traveling con man, moving from mark to mark, letting each of them believe that he just happens to need help this one time, so they put good out into the universe. But in reality he is taking, taking, taking, abusing the world's willingness to help -- if everyone did what he did, the world would swiftly become a meaner, poorer place.
Replies
The article reminds me of The Art of Asking. If you never heard of it, it's a TED talk where a musician/singer shared how much favors she received from fans (without expectations of returning them.)
Years later the said musician, Amanda Palmer, was accused and sued for sexual assault and human trafficking. Together with her husband, Neil Gaiman.
I'm not saying the author has done anything illegal, but I think one should be extra cautious about people who take others' kindness for granted.
He basically thinks he’s the main character, and other people around him are NPCs.
There's always a fine line between being a wandering spirit and a mooch. I used to hang out with the rainbow gathering crowd, and this reminds me of the time my friend, who on coming down from his acid trip, declared that he was going to give all of his possessions away and wander the earth. When I suggested that might not be a good idea, his reply was something like "no, you don't understand, the universe will give me everything I need". I understood why a lot of old hippies end up as forest hermits or sticking to a small group: the burn-outs, mooches, and grifters wear out their welcome very quickly.
That said, I think there's something about going out into a world on a wandering 'quest' that appeals to human nature on a deep level. I'd hesitate to call the author a con man, since you wouldn't call a mendicant or pilgrim a con man. If his motivation was just to squat in people's backyards and mooch free meals until he gets kicked out and then wander around until he finds a new host, I'd agree. But if people want to help him on his personal project of experiencing the kindness of he world, I wouldn't call that taking advantage of people who offer their help freely.
The difference between a spiritual pilgrim and a vagabond freeloader depends on how much of a romantic one is, and if you admire Don Quixote or not.
The author's philosophy is that, what the people doing him kindness got in return was that they got to do something kind for someone.
To be honest, I think there's something to that. It could certainly be taken too far, but your assumption that it has been taken too far in this case is mostly based on an uncharitable reading of the text, in which the author was "pushing himself on people" and they were secretly resentful of him.
The writer is Kevin Kelly, who is like the overlap between the hippie SF days and 90s techno-utopianism that has led to where we are today.
I'm with you 100% on this. I kept reading it and thinking to myself, "is... is this guy admitting out loud to being a grifter?"
He calls it the "miracle", I want to shout "It's not a miracle! It's other people!"
I feel he's depending on others' kindness and not even really acknowledging them. It's like he feels it's a miraculous power that's helping him (God?) rather than the actual individuals choosing to help him. Maybe that explains why he doesn't seem to feel the need to give back to them.
It reminds me of an episode of The Wire where a mediocre detective tries to use magic to solve a case. After he wakes up the next day he goes to the office and finds the case is solved. He says the magic worked! And the police chief tells him it wasn't magic, it's his colleagues who worked all night solving cases.