Nice exchange, thank you! The idea is to not ask either one of the groups to change their behavior, but to show understanding first. I agree that certain actions are 'wrong'. Things people do can be very wrong, and understandable at the same time. People quite often do not act out of rational thinking but out of emotions. And these emotions can be very strong and very 'old'. When I remind myself I am not "meant" by them I can feel less offended, which allows me in turn to both stay in understanding and protect myself. Speech is just words after all.