I think "Just… start with the interesting part first" is quite different, and actually much better advice than "make me care". I'm more than done with stupid hooks and attention grabbing techniques, just plainly and honestly state at the outset what the point is of what will follow.
Yeah, there are two basic schools.
1. Broadcast what the article is about to let the interested readers find it easier
2. Trick people into reading as much of the article as possible through any means
The first makes sense if you want readers. The second makes sense if you're counting page impressions.