it's running Microslop Windows, so it's born compromised

it's an OS with constant built-in ads and spyware

it would have been considered malware in the 2000s

Not being an incompetent or inexperienced Windows user, I'm vanishingly unlikely to be infected by a bot network trojan... and if that does happen, rest assured, I'll notice it.

Windows Update, on the other hand, is part of my threat model.