Who said I'm looking for meaning? I'm not.
It's not as liberating as you might think. A joyless existence is either suffering or nothingness. A life without meaning, either internal or external, is one where nothing is meaningful with no motivation thus one of crippling catatonia til death.
All I can say is just that it doesn't feel good and if you can't feel good about anything, your calculus of your life inevitably leads to the conclusion that existence isn't worth it.
Yeah, most folk get the causation backwards. They think having meaning in life will pull you out of depression. It's the other way around. You have to get pulled out of depression to be able to find meaning in your life.
There is only one cure/hack for Nihilism or similar...
Go somewhere where you need to work physically you az off to afford daily food. You will be so exhausted eventually that: 1 you will not have any energy left for thoughts. 2 If you have any energy left, you will give it to angriness which will lead to other circumstances which are none related to find the meaning of life.
Ignorance may lead to happiness and friends :)