> Incoming power service is on the complete opposite side of the house from where I really want the power handling gear.

Same in my house.

> It would still have to get the grid phase timing somehow to line them up before connecting, so something more than merely a dumb contactor.

Then you'll want a synchronous one. They match phase before making the switch, which is one reason why it's nice if you use one tied to your inverter, which already has the capability to steer its phase to match the grid.