logoalt Hacker News

tialaramextoday at 9:26 AM2 repliesview on HN

If you make kids share a bedroom it drastically decreases the margin for tension between children because they don't have anywhere else. That can work, of course, but it might not and too fucking late for the kids if it doesn't. That can mean physical abuse, but it can mean things like one kid loves loud music and the other wants to read quietly alone, or their sleep schedules naturally don't align well - if you were an adult house share you'd say well, we're just incompatible, it's nobody's fault, I'll move out, but kids can't do that, they are stuck with the situation their parents created and it's all they know.

My mother - I found out years after I'd left home - was worried that I resented the fact I had a small bedroom while my younger sister got a larger one - but in reality I didn't care at all, she's an artist, she makes stuff which actually exists, of course she needs space; I write software, which conveniently takes up no space, whereas if I'd had to share with her that would be extremely problematic and wouldn't have gone well. I could be in my tiny room and that was enough.


Replies

alsetmusictoday at 12:41 PM

Some friends were able to provide separate bedrooms to their sons last year. The older one already has a man-shaped face and body (still an adolescent voice and personality, but that's sometimes how that goes). I really couldn't believe it when I found out.

I grew up privileged and had my own space, but a shared space between siblings was normalized. But going into high school with that constraint, it seems stifling. I really have to wonder what effects that lack of privacy / autonomy has on a developing mind. There are probably studies but it's not something I'm about to research.

em-beetoday at 12:44 PM

sharing a room forces kids to learn to get along. giving them their own room early deprives them from that experience. loud music is not going to work in many places even if you have your own room. if siblings are so incompatible that they can't bear living together than they have bigger problems than sharing a room. physical abuse among siblings points to deeper issues that are not caused by sharing a room, nor does having separate rooms fix those issues.