alt Hacker NewsI don't understand the American "what do you do?" as first introduction.
It's more fun to ask "how do you know 'x'" where 'x' is the host of the party or event or whatever. Although I'm Canadian.
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"What you do" seems more sympathetic than "who you are" and "who you know". American culture might be more meritocratic at a basic level.
it depends on where you live in america too. in somewhere like seattle everyone has to have a what’s your job and title dick waving contest
i live in a more laid back city now and i have friends where i still have no idea what they do for work
I would say it's pretty rare to hear, "What do you do?" as a first introduction in the wild in America.
"How do you know x?" is in fact much more common.
I'm from America and I also dislike it because it's usually a rude question often used by small-minded people to pigeonhole others into presumptive stereotypes or by people who don't put much thought into substantive or genuine conversation. It's also sometimes a passive-aggressive question really asking "How much do you make?" by cheap materialists.
Alternatives:
"What do you spend time on that you enjoy?"
"How or where did you meet 'x'?"
"What's the most interesting, counterintuitive thing you've learned recently?"
[Insert situational-led curious question here.]
How can you possibly not understand? You really are flummoxed about people who devote themselves to supporting their families economically and thus invest great energy into that pursuit?
That’s like going to the Olympic Village, among all the athletes, and being unable to understand why athletes ask each other “What’s your sport?” They are in the Olympics, man! They put everything into getting there. Ask them about their obsession, for crying out loud.
And ask me about how I am trying to make it in the world. I am happy to talk about it! Why aren’t you?
I follow an informal rule of "never be the first person in a conversation to bring up work/career" (or weather, or family/kids).
If you play the rule like a game, it's kind of fun.
After starting with a personal trainer, I made it 10 sessions (10 hours) of small talk before he finally asked me something that led to a conversation about work.
It's a lot more challenging (but way more rewarding I find) to initiate conversation topics relevant to the context you're meeting the person in, and waiting for the other person to bring up the boilerplate conversation topics if it's important to them.