I know it's more nuanced than this, but generally (in the US, at least) holders of a trademark need to defend the mark at the peril of "abandonment" or the mark becoming "generic". I expected to see something about this in the post.
That’s correct. The best example is that of cellophane tape which was a brand but it lost protection. Xerox very aggressive in the day and wrote lawyer letters to anyone who used Xerox as a verb to protect their brand.
I’m not sure if Google has ever done similar but people use google as a verb to mean web search and I’m not sure if they worried about losing brand protection or though of it as an advantage in acquiring users.
I commonly hear people saying that, but then other people claiming this isn't true.
Is there a clear source for this mechanism?
But there would be no basis to claim this trademark was abandoned (even before Don Ho responded to infringement). Notepad++ is famous software actively getting new features and new releases. It is well-known among technically sophisticated Windows users in the US, and until this kerfuffle Don Ho's ownership of the name was never seriously contested in OSS circles. Nobody could reasonably claim this trademark is stale or generic.
I think this is hugely misunderstood, though. You have to defend your trademark, but it's still within your rights to grant someone permission to use it.
The Notepad++ guy wasn't an attack dog here. I'm 100% behind his reasonable position. Just saying, you're not legally obligated to say "no, no one else in the entire world can use it". It's more that you have to say "no one else can use it without my permission." Also just saying, if you want to use someone else's trademark, it's a really, really bad idea to start the conversation by using it without their permission and thereby requiring them to decide right then and there whether they'll allow you to. It's kind of like asking to borrow someone's car versus taking it first and then asking if that was OK.