I thought those sentences were examples of excellent writing.
They don't sound AI to me - is that the implication, that it is? And the bit about 'Heroes' reminds me of his descriptions making fun of heroes in the stories about Cohen the Barbarian.
That's what I think the comment meant.. I was trying to put my finger on the word (other than slop) for the sort of low-effort, gimmicky pastiche that LLM's enable..but it might not exist yet.
Giving objects interiority is a very Pratchett move.
It sounds very AI. Current AIs' ideas of good writing involve weird metaphors, references to sensing things you can't sense, and tricolons.