How would Rust perform static checks on dynamic bounds? That seems like an impossible order, i.e. not a reasonable evaluation criteria for any (general-purpose) language.

(I'm separately skeptical that it's the most important memory safety property; I suspect that a review of Chrome and Firefox 0days would show that UAFs and type confusion are, at least to attackers, equally if not more important.)

This isn't entirely true. Rust's indexing operator performs a dynamic check but the language and stdlib have a number of ways to access array elements without indexing, which is effectively a form of static checking. For example, the following loop is statically guaranteed to not go OOB, and will not emit any unnecessary bounds checks:

  for i in some_arr {
    println!("{i}");
  }

It's possible to do this (WUFFS does it) but it's so invasive that, well, you basically end up with WUFFS. You end up having to track every set of possible and impossible values at every location, etc. (during each program location too.) WUFFS certainly has its place and I've kind of been itching to try it out myself, but I think getting to the point where dynamic arrays can be statically bounds-checked would have highly disabled Rust.