I appreciate the info. Re: the banks I'm with, I have no choice.
I'm an immigrant and most banks refused to give me an account when I moved here. Or ghosted me during the months long process. These are the banks that let me live here, and actually gave me an account and bank id. It's the only real choice I have until I get citizenship.
If you're stuck with them, that's understandable.
There's no reason the banks should be dicks about it, but they often are in cases like yours. All the accounts I've opened in recent times have just been a matter of logging in with BankID and going through the form and selecting 'no' 10 times. Once you've got BankID and can go through the automated flow, there shouldn't really ever be any issues.
This is why it bothers me greatly that BankID is still controlled by the banks, since they can just decide that someone like you shouldn't get it. It should be government issued and issued to everyone, on the same level as an ID card or a passport.