I agree that it feels off and I wonder what I would have thought if I'd seen the "after" example without knowing it's AI output put through a humanizer. Would I think much about the weird use of the word "honest"? About "that's the Lisbon I kept thinking about, not the castle"? Or how the story feels very impersonal somehow, with the author just mentioning their calves and legs sometimes as the only way of convincing the reader of their humanity?