This is FANTASTIC! I laughed so hard I nearly fell out of my chair.

Have you seen DNSControl?

If you want a serious alternative to the Route53 API, there's an open source project called https://dnscontrol.org/ DNSControl. It's like Terraform for DNS but it doesn't suck like Terraform.

Version v5.0 just shipped. It's a major rewrite that makes it much more extensible.

https://github.com/DNSControl/dnscontrol/releases/tag/v5.0.0