Great content! Inspires me to do the same thing since I am constantly dealing with things falling apart like this. I recently did one manually after putting it of for too long. Get Delta (airline) to go from "here is a 200 dollar bag to replace your 400 dollar bag we damaged" -> "Here is a 450 dollar eCredit".

I would try focusing on building a more unique style of writing, this feels like it went through heavy alignment to Claudes distribution. For the general audience maybe they aren't that sensitive to it yet, but for those that have to use LLMs at work, having to read more of it is grating.