Kindly simulate two hours of queuing at the Schengen border, a coin toss minigame over whether security is “laptops in” or “laptops out”, bonus if your belt pings, lounge access roulette, wailing infant(s), guy two rows back with the worst most productive cough you ever heard (still got that old N95?), retaining status planning spreadsheets, baggage systems failure at Denver, people using the loos in their socks, unstaffed rentals counter, tired neighbour using your shoulder as a pillow, Franz Kafka’s “The SSSS Boarding Pass”, guy who won’t close the damn window shade, creepily accurate PRC face recognition systems, shuttle bus orienteering challenge, Emerald ass-kissing, lost at Doha, cabin uncomfortably warm mid-flight, world’s most disappointing beef, go-around three times at Queenstown and diverted to Christchurch again, passport reader unresponsive, 7.1kg carryon rule nazi, 30 minutes of taxiing, US domestic “lounge” with no facilities at all and nowhere to sit, drunk British lady, gigantic American guy, bassinet accident, Tight Connection Sprint, can’t quite name the minor TV celeb in 1A, Hong Kong Monsoon Warning, crew yelling “sit down sir the seatbelt sign is still on”, toilet scrum during long final after breakfast on the redeye, and (my favourite) the consequences of sitting in an exit row and when they give you the briefing and ask if you’re willing to follow these instructions in an emergency, saying brightly “Looking forward to it!”

I love air travel.