What if [positive noun] instead of [negative noun]? Have you ever thought about that? [Nefarious proper noun] tries to feed us [negative noun] but using [url] we're going to change the [collective noun]! [Collective noun in which the reader self-includes] has always been at the forefront of [positive adjective] innovation, and that has inspired me [artisanal synonym for "to make"] with love for you all.

I'm there, I feel it, it's 2011 and I'm being pitched facebook for dog walkers or twitter for the uzbec equestrian community unironically except this is taking the bold step of making the niche "all of humanity".

You really need more than "new time bad... remember old time?" to pitch a general-purpose social media product that avoids the obvious, well-documented foibles of social media.