>"I'm smart therefore I need to be good at this. If I'm not good at this, then I'm dumb"
This reminds me of the meme "If I can't get this barbell off my chest, I'm gay and my whole family dies"
Which got me more gains than any other time in my life
I honestly don’t understand how that specific thought was motivating for you but I guess whatever works…
You are over-complicating things; you can be gay without a barbell on your chest.