There was a literal PoC video that started the panic, then multiple writeups. It's not hard (for people who know what they're doing) to exploit the PHP vuln. It's just not one exploit to rule every PHP installation anywhere, since this is a low-level exploit that needs to bypass ASLR, instead of a logic bug - so you need to tweak your exploit for every architecture, system, configuration, etc. And you need to know a fair bit about your target.

The response was overblown, but your dismissive reaction is too far in the other direction.

That's not true. The vuln was exploited and utilized within minutes of the disclosure.

LiveOverflow has exploited the PHP vulnerability, it’s even linked in the article.