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neya • today at 7:06 PM • 15 replies • view on HN

A good start would be enforcing truly gender neutral laws by governments all over the world. I personally know at least a dozen men who have been harassed by biased laws and judges when it comes to divorce. These are good men, who worked really hard and took care of their wives very well, only to get either cheated on or scammed for money and lost everything. 2 of them are even almost homeless now. Most of them have aged so poorly after just 2 years into the divorce. Their wives aren't even homemakers who sacrificed anything who are getting paid, mostly working women who have good lawyers who just abuse the laws to steal wealth. Until this system is fixed, men's mental health will always be down the toilet.

What I really learned from these men is never sign a contract where the other party is incentivized to break it.


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rubicon33 • today at 7:31 PM

You don't even have to sign a contract to end up in this situation. In California at least, just habituating with someone for 10 years is enough for the courts to consider you effectively married. That needs to be fixed. Marriage should absolutely be a contractual agreement where one party is fully aware what they're giving up, signing over, or potentially losing, not something you end up in through no fault of your own.

EDIT: Turns out this is NOT true, or at least, nothing I can find seems to point to it being true. Just habituating with someone for a long time is not enough.

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dlisboa • today at 7:49 PM

Brazilian law is far superior to US laws on this matter.

You only get to choose either:

* Partial Community of Property - the default: applies only to property acquired after the marriage; in case of divorce only that property is split 50/50

* Universal Community of Property - applies to all property before and after the marriage; in case of divorce all property is split 50/50

* Separation of Property - no property is shared at all; in case of divorce nothing at all is split. If you want buy and share property you have to do it explicitly. This is also mandatory in cases where one of the spouses is 70+ years old

Divorce is much less litigious here. It's basically impossible to lose all of your assets. It works the same for men or women.

There are some of the same issues in custody law as in North America but from what I read it still seems way better than in the US.

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maerF0x0 • today at 7:25 PM

If men and women are the same thing with slightly different parts, then gender neutral laws make sense.

If men and women have meaningful differences then it makes sense to have gendered laws.

I think pandora's box is open never to be shut again on the conversation if we're the same or different.

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MomsAVoxell • today at 7:44 PM

>A good start would be enforcing truly gender neutral laws by governments all over the world.

This, a thousand times.

And I say that as a man who has lived in multiple countries in my lifetime, raising my family, through thick and thin.

>mens mental health

I no longer see it as a man problem, its a we problem.

intrasight • today at 7:27 PM

Equality and justice are certainly noble goals. but they are at this point merely goals. But in parallel, we very much need better support for the men going through the challenges that may come from the lack of equality in divorce proceedings.

Last week's tragedy here, with a father throwing his two young kids off a roof before jumping himself, has caused our community to focus - at least for a while - on what was missing and what our system did wrong and what could have been sone better to prevent that from having happened.

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Huarache1 • today at 8:06 PM

Make Prenups mandatory, and make sure shared parenting is the default.

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j45 • today at 8:00 PM

It's important for people to remember they don't marry other people.

Legally, people are marrying a law in their place of residence, marriage is a contract and agreement with the government.

Through a marriage to the government's law first, two people are married in the eyes of the law.

The first time I came across this it made me wonder how much people are aware of this central, third party in between the two people in their marriage.

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apercu • today at 7:37 PM

I started reading this thinking I would disagree, but you're right, in some countries (Canada for sure), there's a weird thing that some genders are more equal than others. I know this sounds bad, but I am a left-leaning feminist.

I've seen first hand where spouses of equal education and opportunity are treated as traditional values applied.

And nearly always it's the male that has to take a second job/cash in their retirement to meet societies demands.

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jeremyjh • today at 7:13 PM

Cool. You think that explains the findings in TFA related to adolescent boys?

From a better write up of this same story:

Young men aged 15 to 24 show concerning trends in their self-rated mental health and rates of mental illness. For instance, between 2012 and 2022:

the percentage who reported "very good" or "excellent" mental health fell from 70% to 52% the percentage who experienced: mood disorders increased from11% to 16% generalized anxiety disorder increased from 4% to 10%

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greenowl • today at 7:46 PM

What you should have learned is a lot simpler. Don't marry the wrong woman.

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gib444 • today at 7:12 PM

UK is going the other way: they're consulting on giving non married couples rights.

https://www.setfords.co.uk/2026/09/01/new-rights-for-cohabit...

At the request of the family law lobby, naturally ...

https://www.gov.uk/government/consultations/a-fairer-end-to-...

"The very limited set of protections under the current law can leave cohabitants facing significant financial difficulties when relationships end, which disproportionately affects vulnerable groups such as women, and children..."

Women...so naturally vulnerable ?! In 2026?

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afavour • today at 7:30 PM

I agree that divorce proceedings could be more equal than they are. But society is not gender neutral, so things like divorce proceedings aren't either. Women are far, far more likely to be stay at home parents. That means they're far more involved in childcare and far less likely to be earning money independently. That makes the situation very difficult when it comes to divorce.

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oulipo • today at 7:35 PM

For one anecdotical story like that, there's 100 more where the man is neglecting their kid, so this should be taken with a grain of salt

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logicchains • today at 7:17 PM

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logicchains • today at 7:23 PM

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