It's kind of cheating, but I wonder if you could set up some kind of "server side rendering proxy" that would run all the JS on a given page, and send the client a plain html page with hyperlinks in place of interactive JS elements.
Edit: https://www.brow.sh/
That's a wonderful idea! Thank you!
Would that work with CORS?
Opera Mini's "extreme mode" takes this approach. The server pre-renders content, also stripping out things the client doesn't need or that would require a lot of resources/bandwidth.
Note that this does present a bit of a man-in-the-middle scenario, and Opera's chief income is from advertising (and "query").