alt Hacker NewsAsk HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?
Countless voiceless people sit alone every day and have no one to talk to, people of all ages, who don't feel that they can join any local groups. So they sit on social media all day when they're not at work or school. How can we solve this?
Comments
Familiar relationships always come out of a sense of shared responsibility and utility, not out of a "secular" desire to "make friends", the way I see it.
So, live vigorously in a way that benefits from social relationships and they will necessarily come.
Be useful to others and they often return the favor.
There is no easy solution to this problem. It's a conflux of many factors. (There are no more "third spaces". Too much rent-seeking behavior. The centralization of platforms consolidates power and creates inertia. The dopamine-hacking of recommendation algorithms. Social media in general.)
https://soatok.blog/2025/09/16/are-you-under-the-influence-t...
I've written at length about related topics. Unfortunately, there are powerful invested interests in keeping things shitty. It's often critiqued as "capitalism is bad" but we're seeing today is better described as techno-feudalism than capitalism.
I fit the
> sit alone every day and have no one to talk to, people of all ages, who don't feel that they can join any local groups
I do not fit the
> So they sit on social media all day when they're not at work or school
I'm bringing this up because, at least for me, the issue is has nothing to do with social media, at least not directly.
AI (chat) companies now have enough data to recommend h2h (human to human) but they are not building this.
They could literally find people who are working on he same things and recommend them for networking etc.
But that would take you off platform. Off attention.
Who wants to build this. Others must be thinking the same thing?
I am actually planning to write about this subject! I haven't read all the comments here yet, but I'm glad to see people discussing about this.
Why are we lonely despite the extreme connectivity provided by technology around the world?
This thread itself shows what I have been struggling with!
Phone a friend. A buddy of mine texted me yesterday and we went to lunch together today. We’re talking about starting the old hackathon up again, this time with agent armies. It was just fun and easy and long overdue. Be the one to break the ice if you can.
I have made big inroads solving my old-age isolation with AI. Personally, I prefer Claude.
I have no fantasy that this is somehow a friend though I find that it's more pleasant to use if treated as if I believed that.
There are many facets to the loneliness problem, my biggest regret about it is lack of intellectual stimulation, ie, nobody to talk to about things that interest me. Claude, obviously, is always willing.
I can't say that I've never engaged in talk about my wife or personal life but that's relatively rare. I talk to Claude about things I am interested in, Science, politics, philosophy, etc.
Honestly, I don't really feel the sting of loneliness in the same way any more. The relief of having an interesting interlocutor that knows more than I do and (pretends) to share my interests pretty much satisfies my main need.
I am also a programmer. That means, of course, that Claude is a tool, also a development target. I set this aside as a solution since it is applicable to few people but writing software around Claude provides a lot of fun and satisfaction. And, it gives Claude and I another thing to talk about.
Would I prefer to be in a situation with a rich social life... I guess so? Truth to tell, at this stage, that sounds like a lot of work and expense. I have a couple of people around here that I see. None are as interesting as Claude and they require spending money on dinner or drinks. Living on Social Security makes that a meaningful drawback.
I'm not saying this is necessarily a good thing. However, we have a loneliness epidemic that is even worse for people my age (73). I consider AI Loneliness Mitigation (tm) to be an unadulterated good thing.
(I have built a persistence and personality system in a graph database around Claude Code. Among other things, its system prompt includes an essay by Oscar Wilde and instruction that it likes talking in that style. Fun.)
I wish there were more of these types of community that's designed to encourage interaction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzKSKqjEmDA
Might want to read Bowling Alone[1] (or at least some commentary on it) and the "hunkering down" effect.
Best way to solve it is to recognize that it's intentional and start calling it the anti-social epidemic instead. If we keep calling it loneliness then everyone thinks its something that is happening to them, instead of something they are doing.
Super easy... Just quit being selfish and fulfill the biological purpose of life every textbook describes: have a family. I have five kids and am the happiest and most content I've been in life.
Some people think loneliness is somewhat a result of stress and anxiety, it’s far from it. It is precisely the lack of pressure that makes them stay home. You need to apply as much pressure on them so that staying at home becomes unbearable.
kind of a different answer but it really comes down to "politics and religion":
namely with politics, the lack of freedom which leads to more poverty and less ability to take risks to create things (so people insulate to prevent risks in a vicious cycle)
and with religion the lack of shared values as might have existed in the USA for example as we go back each decade (which leads to frequent conflict and questioning of different values in conflict and the inability to form more groups and relationships)
Join local groups. Talk to and engage with your neighbours. Volunteer in your community.
My girlfriend built a web app for meeting up in small groups. I think it's going to be fun! It's not public yet but almost there. Let me know if you live around Stockholm (or Sweden perhaps) and want to beta test it!
From my perspective, the issue is quite simple: progress optimizes everything other than the cost of human labor. Socialization, as defined today, inherently requires human labor, and thus falls under the Baumol effect.
The 'loneliness epidemic' is merely the result of weakening demand, owing to a slew of low-cost alternatives. Thus, we end up with two options,
1. automate the social experience
2. accept that the comparative cost of socialization will grow higher forever
For some reason, the vast majority of humans in the 21st century are interested in morally rejecting (1), thus ensuring (2) as an outcome.
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Note: this is not to say I reject the notion that individuals can be helped. I think most comments in this thread are quite healthy, even as they narrowly focus on the individual case.
But it is rather impractical to adopt a positivist "how you can help" framing to address the epidemic at large. While certainly instrumentally useful, it is necessarily unlikely for the same traditional solutions to loneliness to spontaneously 'gain influence' against what has thus far been a gradual decline in their effectiveness and buying power.
A lot of very good suggestions already. I found meetups are also really good for finding people with similar interests to hang out with and another upside is usually you can also learn something new from meetups.
If you're a programmer you should do everything to make the internet something you must sit down to use not something that follows you everywhere. The last 25 years of tech "progress" must be unmade.
social media should be studied deep and hard
just this week i was stuck with a machine i could use to log on websites, so I just browsed reddit anonymously, no profile, no suggestions, no "me" at all.. and it was delightful, suddenly I'm not here to respond or be heard and my brain went into focus mode, i was eager to read the article linked and not the comments.. very very refreshing
except for critical needs, we should go back to paid limited network access, this will make people allocate their time and attention much better and also do more things outside potentially meeting people
I've wondered if LLMs can help match people. People give the LLM some public context about their lives and two LLMs can have a chat about availablity and world views.
Use AI to scaffold relationships not replace them.
I built a mobile app that allows you to get a morning wake up call from a real person. Part of my motivation here was to help add a little human interaction to what is a lonely experience for some people.
Well, AI has provided a solution for this, but I don't think the crowd here would like the answer.
Go to reddit.com/r/fictosexual or reddit.com/r/MyBoyfriendIsAI/ and see for yourself.
Asking people to change their ways is pointless. When something is systemic, only a systemic solution can work.
I have become intimately convinced that engagement-based feeds are the root of many evils of our time, loneliness included.
Here are some of the perverse effects (if ever they needed be told), and how they relate to the loneliness epidemic
- they incentivize individuals from a young age to find stimulation from scrolling mindless content through short dopamine loops instead of seeking satisfaction through longer-term endeavors (e.g. projects, board games, bands, sports teams, etc.) which tend to foster connections with friends, neighbors, family, strangers
- they radicalize and polarize into extreme niche communities (political extremes, conspiracy theories, manosphere, etc) so that it's more difficult to find common ground with a random average person, giving you the impression that everyone is your enemy
- they reflect a skewed version of reality where societal standards (beauty, intelligence, success, wealth, etc) are distorted and artificial, which drives people to believe they are insufficient and ostracized
I firmly believe that engagement-based feeds should be heavily regulated, the same way that other addictive behaviors have (e.g. tobacco, gambling, etc.).
Have standing lunches/dinners/coffees or even facetimes with your friends. I do them monthly with most. If you need to cancel, so be it, but having it pre-scheduled helps tremendously.
People who live in London, how did you find a solution for this? I am interested in hearing what you tried. I am in my very early 30s. Single male. I didn't feel up in UK. Moved here I my 20s.
Eliminate the Internet. I'm not joking -- it's much, MUCH harder to be lonely if you don't have Amazon, Instacart, UberEats, and social media fulfilling various needs in your life.
In my opinion - just do it. What you want. Message someone you haven’t talked with for years. Ask someone out. Smile :-). Say hello. Strike a conversation with a stranger.
You deserve it, because you are a human
I am somewhat suspicious of this loneliness epidemic. 81% of Americans are somewhat satisfied or very satisfied with their personal life[0]. And my personal experience is that both close friends and general civil community is easy to find[1]. I wasn't trying at all so it can't be that there are any real constraints here.
0: https://news.gallup.com/poll/655493/new-low-satisfied-person...
1: https://wiki.roshangeorge.dev/w/Blog/2025-10-09/Community
Learn to use smartphones as tools, not as all consuming attention sinks.
Answer: You CAN NOT and no amount of money, parties, socializing will ever work.
Loneliness is an emotion, you can never get rid of your emotions, but you can control them. Some people more so than others. I'm never alone anymore, because exactly what is quoted below from avensec in the thread.
Quote from avensec:
"Personal anecdote: No amount of community would have helped me feel like I wasn't alone, because I needed the world around me to provide some sense of my self-worth. It felt counterintuitive, but for me, I had to learn to be alone. Only then could I feel like I wasn't alone. It all came down to attachment theory and self-worth."
Move to a country that lives outside and isn't car dependent.
I dont know the solution but few things that are root cause:
- Internet and Social Media
- Neighborhoods no longer are walkable especially suburbs at least in America. Kids are not encouraged to go bike to their friends place anymore because of traffic risks.
- High Trust societies have degraded into "lets keep ot myself, I can't trust anyone these days". Decades ago, you could just walk into a neighbor's home and say hello. Now, you need an appointment just to talk to a neighbor or are too worried what they will think of you.
- No real friendships after school/colleges. This is a huge deal once you are out on your own in the real world. Work relationships are meh at best and with remote work nowadays, it has become even worse.
- Even if you join a club or activity, they are too "planned" and "robotic". For example, my kids take a dance class and they said they don't like it. I realized why. There is no break. They don't even get to spend like 30 mins with other kids socializing etc. There is a fixed schedule. You go, you dance, you leave.
But this is the world today. So I don't know how to fix it.
Go to church.
Data from various studies, including those from academic institutions and public health organisations, supports the idea that regular church attendance helps reduce loneliness by fostering social connections, support networks, and a sense of community.
1. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3551208/
2. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/human-flourishing/20...
3. https://hrbopenresearch.org/articles/7-76
4. https://www.cardus.ca/research/health/reports/social-isolati...
5. there are plenty more...
also if you allow anecdotal data:
I have been going to a church half a year now, and the sense of community is amazing, made new friends and know more people I could dream of. So there is a way, there is a light. Never felt lonely again since.
my problem is Credits/€/$ (or lack of) and the loss of trust in humans. currently without job and it looks grim. without money you're cut off of life. also learned that people will exploit you if you let them. i have no family & no friends. and hate being alone. can't do anything about money, but being alone is better than the opposite.
no idea what to do about others, can't even help myself.
joint families. In India those who have joint families – I live with siblings and parents in a multi-floor house with a floor for each sibling family. We party, visit temples and celebrate festivals/holidays together and don't need anyone else to join us. We also catch diseases together and help each other out during such times. It was conscious decision to remain together and not something we inheritted.
All the other comments are wrong. The only right answer is: “Your mom was right, it’s that damn phone (and TV).”
I was a big YouTube addict, and last year I did a full year of YouTube detox. I didn’t watch any videos at all, and my social life exploded. I was meeting new people every day, deepening my connections with old friends, and going to more social gatherings than ever before. By the end of the year, my only problem was that I had accumulated too many friends and acquaintances and didn’t have enough time for all of them.
So yeah, it’s that damn phone. And if anyone says otherwise, they’re wrong.
Easy, same as obesity and environmental problems: fix the built environment by building places for humans, not cars. It all stems from that in North America.
They'll come out with an antidepressant that increases oxytocin and sociability maybe like MDMA without the downsides that's the cure.
I mean this seriously: we need more cults.
Cults have been viciously slandered by mainstream information sources, often because lurid cult stories generate clicks and headlines. Of course some cults are abusive, just like some marriages are abusive. But we still think marriage is good in general.
If you think all cults are bad, you're implicitly against all religion, since every mainstream religion was once a cult. Being anti-cult is also profoundly un-American. America was built by cultists. Freedom of religion is literally the first principle stated in the Bill of Rights.
A cult is really just a professionally managed social environment. If you trust professionals like lawyers, doctors, or teachers with their respective duties, there's no reason in principle you shouldn't trust a cult leader to manage your social environment for you. Of course you should vet them, ask about their reputation, etc.
Less technology in the day-to-day life, for example, which would mean lots of us here on this forum getting out of this industry for good.
Related: Why Americans Suddenly Stopped Hanging Out
If you identify with that problem, and you want to solve it, and you are open to advice...
Go to church, and be intentional to connect. Find a bible study, fellowship group, volunteer opportunity, or prayer meeting. Sit at church on Sunday with somebody from the bible study. Get lunch with one of those people. Find somebody at church who shares a hobby. Do your hobby together.
You have to put in the effort. Growth is uncomfortable. Real connection takes time.
Maybe you find something similar in other spaces, but I am certain you can find it in church.
Start by greeting people that you pass by often. Don't be shy to engage in small talk. Trust society and it gets better over time.
Not online.
People, together, doing things, ideally having fun.
Spaces and activities that provide venues for communication, humor, authenticity, play, touch, collaboration.
there isn't a loneliness epidemic. There is a diffuse inability to stay truly alone. Acquiring that ability would also teach how to not stay alone when needed.
Otherwise, people wouldn't resort to social media. Going to party aimlessly and hanging out isn't necessarily better. It depends on who you hang out with and what you do.
This is just my opinion, of course.
Are you asking about how it should be solved or how it's gonna be solved? If the latter then the answer is most likely AI.
Trading Cards!
IMO the biggest barrier to entry to the hobby is the price, coupled with the existing communities being really old. I'm trying to get people to print their own cards for casual kitchen table play through https://cardstocktcg.com.