> Does it boot straight into NES games?

No.

> Does it have an NES cartridge slot?

No.

> Or controllers?

No.

> What about the never used expansion port on the bottom?

It does have an expansion port that I've never used.

> Is it in a NES shell?

No.

> [so it's not an NES, then]

It's mine, and I can call it whatever I want. :P