alt Hacker NewsSay Goodbye
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I'm trying to count the rounds of major layoffs in my career (e.g. 10% or more of the company let go at once). I _think_ it's 5, but it might be a bit more. I've been lucky each time, but that also means I wasn't one of the ones taking risks. Layoffs cut from both sides of the performance curve and leave the middle, in my experience.
I wish I'd done this more.
In some cases there was no way to. For example, we once woke up to find that the European half of our team had been laid off as part of huge cuts that weren't announced and even our manager had no idea were coming. There's no good way to do layoffs, but I think that "sudden shock" approach is worst of all, personally. You don't get to say goodbye in any way and people don't get to plan for contingencies at all. (The other extreme of knowing it's coming for a year and applying for your own job and then having 2 months to sit around after you didn't get it also sucks, and I've done that as well. You can at least make plans in that case, though.)
On the other hand, in a _lot_ of other cases, you do have a chance to say goodbye. Take it. This is really excellent advice. It's worth saying something, at very least to the people you really did enjoy working with.
There's a decent chance you work with some of those folks in the future, and even if you don't, it really does mean something to be a kind human.
I've never seen layoffs where the ones who survived the layoff weren't equally willing to slag-off the corporation.
Rather than sending "hallmark™ layoff greetings", maybe make friends with whomever of your coworkers is interested, and if/when they get laid off, try buying them a beer and actually listening to their grievances...
> Don’t trash your employer, nor respond if they do. If they start that, say “I’m sorry, I can imagine why you’d feel that way, but I can’t continue this conversation.”
This is so bizarre. I would show a huge lack of empathy as well.
I was affected some time ago, and I can't emphasize enough how important it is to reach out to the people you were in touch with, just for a simple "sorry to hear the news."
I really appreciated the folks who did reach out - some of whom I honestly didn't expect to. But I was deeply disappointed that others I've worked more closely with didn't bother. I was already in shock, and that just made things worse.
Hard to imagine; you don't really get it until it happens to you - hopefully never.
I was shocked at how much even perfunctory messages from coworkers meant when I got laid off. And the folks that offered tangible help have stayed in my mind since. It was the most challenging time in my life and even a simple message saying they would miss me or something like that helped so much.
Before I got laid off I was always hesitant to reach out to other folks who were laid off, now I try to make a point of it, even if it’s to apologize
Those goodbyes feel so corporate. After being laid off, the last thing I would want is to hear more corporate speak. It's the sort of thing a manager would send to an employee, not something employees at similar levels would send one another.
I'd pick a nit on the phrase "sorry to hear you and <company> parted ways"
To me, "parted ways" sounds like a mutually-agreed separation.
I'm not sure what's better, maybe "sorry to hear we won't be working together anymore" but really, unless they were a pretty close friend I probably would not say anything. It just comes across as "sucks for you" while not-so-subtly drawing attention to the fact that I still have a job.
> There may be benefits down the road, such as them remembering you kindly and helping you out in the future.
This part sticks out to me because, in this article presumably about empathy, we couldn't help ourselves but to bring up "also, there could be incredible value to you, personally, for doing this". We couldn't resist, we couldn't make the article purely about the person who got fired, we gotta bring it back to me for a second. We need to talk about this caring outreach as a transaction.
Not only does it read like a vulture's mentality to talk bout how you might gain from another person losing their job, it makes me question the author's future communications. If Moore hypothetically reached out to me with an empathetic hand, and I had seen this part of the article, I'd be stuck on it. Is he reaching to me because he actually cares about me, or is he more interested in the potential value reaching out to me would give? I mean, he wrote it out right here, so it's on his mind as a factor.
I see a lot of harsh and snarky responses to a well-intentioned post.
But the main reason to do this is to be a good human being.
And the kind of person people want to work with.
>> Don’t say things that might cause you trouble like “wish we could have kept you”
If I actually think that, I wouldn't shy away from saying it.
When I got the axe at OldCo earlier this year, what stood out to me - and what made it so much more bearable to endure - was how many of my colleagues did this for me. How many of them still reach out to me, half a year on, to shoot the breeze, discuss wins, share hobbies.
Maybe it’s because I grew to be a better person from their feedback and mentoring, or maybe it’s just a shifting of times and attitudes. Heck, maybe I just got lucky that I worked with amazing people like them.
I just wish I’d had that support in prior layoff cycles as well.
The last time I was let go I was given two days to phase my projects out to a colleague. But I also took the time to email/call all the customers I had contact with and asked them to send me an email to my personal account so that we could keep in touch, especially for future referrals. I've got 63 messages. It was such a relief and a joy to get all those messages coming in bitter days like the ones following a lay off.
Make sure to keep that <firstname> in the message. This will emphasize how much good human being you are.
Well intentioned post. Though I never understood the "don't trash your employer" advice people often give. It's often the more empathetic thing to do in such situations.
LinkedIn allows you to write a recomendation, after submission it goes to the other person to approve. If you want to risk a little of your reputation to support another (and your employer doesn't prevent you from doing this) then its an easy way to help someone out
> But the main reason to do this is to be a good human being.
That's the main reason that I do that kind of thing. It has sometimes resulted in career/monetary gains, but usually, it's just me, feeling decent about something.
I really appreciate the post. Thanks for sharing it. You seem like a decent human being.
Reads like a fucking corpspeak [1]
It's interesting how polarized the response to this idea is.
On the one hand, there are responses like that describe this as bizarre and tone-deaf, accuse it of LLM levels of fake empathy, or say how if they were laid off they would absolutely despise getting such a message.
On the other hand, there are responses from people who actually received such messages when they were laid off saying how valuable and meaningful even a simple "sorry to hear the news" message was to them.
Though, at least as I post this, there aren't any responses describing being laid off and disliking such messages in practice, it's all hypothetical hate. Not entirely sure how to interpret that. Maybe they'll appear as more comments get posted.
There's a lot of layers here and many reasons why such strongly opposed sentiments might arise. It would be fascinating to get a better understanding of all this. Is it a personality thing? Is it a past experience thing? Is it from how a person views their relationship to work and their employer? How do these opinions distribute across the neurotypical/neurodivergent axis?
One detail that specifically interests me is this idea that wanting to offer condolences, but not automatically obligate oneself to anything beyond that seems to draw ire. Those expressing this opinion seem to be saying there is a clear, stark line for what constitutes "enough" that this approach clearly falls short of. But where that line is is going to be pretty strongly influenced by social convention, which not all people are not tuned into to the same degree, for a variety of reasons.
Yeah, you only get to say goodbye if they don't walk you out and lock you out immediately. Otherwise, you get to send LinkedIn messages to people who you're maybe connected to.
In this hypothetical situation I was just about to commit at least half the sins mentioned at the end. I think I might not be the best person to be saying goodbye at work.
Aren't job being lost simply because Trump deports workers, and many run away by themselves fearing being deported?
lol, no. If I do that, they may reach out to me outside of work, and why would anyone want that headache? I have plenty of friends already, thanks. If I have the opportunity to say goodbye before they leave, then of course I will, but I'm not getting personal with coworkers.
I was laid off, and only a couple of my former colleagues reached out to me. People I had talked to for years and helped, some significantly, didn't even send me a message. Consider that at one point, I had put myself out there to ask for more promotions and higher compensation for my colleagues.
I didn't feel particularly offended, but in my next job, I will definitely not help my colleagues as much and will think about myself 99% of the time. It's disappointing to see grown adults who are so fearful, ungrateful, and reveal themselves to be rather miserable people, but that's the way the world works.
Let me write up the professional version the way only I can.
Start with the formula described in the article but call rather than send an email.
Call them again 12 or 24 months later.
The script should be in your own words: Some people you need to talk to or see every day, some every week, some every month and some people every few years. Don't worry about it, I'm not going to stalk you. I will call you again in two or three years.
Then talk like coworkers about new jobs, earnings, the good the bad and the ugly, learn they got married/divorced, had kids, left the country for a while. etc etc
Keep the call under 4 minutes. Some people don't know how to terminate a phone call.
After each phone call send them an email summarizing the things you've talked about. Include the previous email.
You will find that, provided there is no obligation to stay in touch, people don't mind telling what they did over the last two years. Even if they don't like you. The fact that you've asked puts you well ahead of most people they know.
The 3rd call after 3-6 years is simply hilarious. They know the drill, the conversation can be as short as two minutes. Thanks for your time, we should do this again in two years!
You methodically hammer out the email again and go on with life.
I agree with this message and happy to see it.
But I think the more important point is the increasing number of layoffs linked in the article [1]. These layoffs are mostly ignored here and everywhere else.
Jobs are getting offshored and outsourced in large quantities and the tech community is on the whole ambivalent about it. Unless you were directly impacted.
The path for software developers looks bleak. While people are wringing their hands over AI while something else entirely is destroying job prospects for young grads.
[1] https://www.cbsnews.com/news/layoffs-2025-highest-level-sinc...
Would seem like toxic https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toxic_positivity to me, if I'd be the affected.
"Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind." - Henry James.
> Don’t feel like you have continue the conversation if they respond. You can if you want, but don’t feel obligated. > Don’t state you are going to keep in touch, unless you plan to.
Either this was written by someone who works in HR, or is some new AI slop.
Why would you reach out with a note then...? Just don't in the first place if those are the suggestions.
What a blandly stupid post. Imagine the person you write to, who got fired and is now worrying about their job prospects, kid's school, house payments etc, and other practical things, getting some saccharine note of half-baked "concern" in which you start with describing their having their ass having been canned as "parting ways".
This kind of neutered corporate-speak has invasively permeated every level of modern business, government and organization discourse, it's downright revolting to see it also drain down into informal personal communication from one human being to another.
Nice post up until the section on "don'ts", at which point it loses the plot and almost becomes a performative caricature of itself:
> Don’t feel like you have to continue the conversation if they respond. You can if you want, but don’t feel obligated.
So why reach out at all? Solely for the (mentioned) networking off-chance they remember that you messaged them in the future? Seems pretty self-serving
> Don’t trash your employer, nor respond if they do. If they start that, say “I’m sorry, I can imagine why you’d feel that way, but I can’t continue this conversation.”
Imagine their perspective here (that is, use empathy) if you just cut off the conversation at the mention of the actor responsible for the reason you're messaging them at all. They would just feel even more isolated at this, and wonder why you reached out in the first place. So bizarre.
> Finally, don’t do this if you are the manager who laid them off.
Well, for a layoffs, not a pip, definitely do reach out to them as a manager. I can't think of anyone they'd like to hear from more than their manager to explain the situation and offer some sort of solace.
> Don’t say things that might cause you trouble like “wish we could have kept you” or “you were such a great performer, I don’t know why they laid you off”. You don’t know the full details and you don’t want to expose yourself or your company to any legal issues.
That's right - don't show any actual empathy, lest you put the company in any negative light!!
NGL, this honestly reads like a satirical take on a sociopath submitting an assignment on how to show empathy. (Obviously OP is not a sociopath, I'm just saying if The Onion released this as written by one, I'd get a good chuckle).
This post feels like it was lifted straight from a corporate HR Layoffs FAQ section.
Most people don't want to hear from old co-workers, from a job they just got laid off from, especially those that are there to offer fake, self-serving sentiment with a bunch of rules attached. Unless you already have a relationship with the person, you would probably have already talked anyway and it would be natural without all these weird rules of engagement.
People who do this are fake and its amazing to me they think this kind of thing isn't perceived as anything other than fake. There is a time and place for everything, networking with recently laid off co-workers is not one of them.
Just make it brief, don't say something like:
And as we part ways on this sorrowful day may Odin and Thor be with you.
Please do not end your messages with an exclamation point.
“I wish you the best!” is fine if they are moving on to some better job.
“I wish you the best.” is more appropriate for the gravity of the situation if they just got fired and thrown into the shittiest job market in recent history.
So it's "be a good person," but with then absolutely no follow-through or obligation attached: don't offer help, respond like an LLM when someone says something negative about the company that just sacked them, and don't even feel compelled to continue the conversation that you started if the person replies. Sounds to me like these goodbyes are more for the personal feelings of moral rectitude of the person making them, rather than anything related to the person who is departing. So it's really how to pretend to be a good person well enough to fool someone looking casually, a.k.a. instructions for being a passing sociopath.
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I'm sure the OP means well, but I think this approach is misguided. It comes across as self-centered rather than supportive. You might get a polite "thanks" in response, but I doubt it will be genuinely appreciated.
If you care about the person and want to talk with them, reach out and be genuine. If not, don't bother them with LLM corporate-speak masquerading as support. Let's be honest: they didn't "part ways" with the company--they were fired.
Right now, they're worried about paying their bills, not about making their former coworkers feel better.
If you really want to help, reach out to your network and see if anyone is hiring. I've successfully connected many laid-off former coworkers with new opportunities. I've even approached recruiters that I ignored saying, "I'm not available, but this person is looking, and they're excellent."